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Why does forgiveness matter?

For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. – Matthew 6:14-15

Jesus made it clear. Forgiveness isn’t optional. It does, however, need to stem from the right heart. We forgive others, not because we have to, but because God forgave us.

Another reason to forgive is that it brings us both freedom and peace; while choosing not to forgive only reinforces the hurt in our lives. We begin to live our lives with a “victim” mentality. The pain someone brings to our lives only has power when we choose to live in that pain rather than forgive.

Do I have to forget to forgive?

The Bible doesn’t explicitly discuss the difference between forgiving and forgetting. But it’s safe to say we can draw some reasonable conclusions based on the Bible as a whole. The answer isn’t one size fits all, rather it’s case by case. This is why it is vital to be following the Holy Spirit’s lead. Was it a one-time offense? Hurtful words? Lies? Abuse?

One example the Bible does give is the issue of adultery and divorce. Jesus made it clear that divorce was permitted in the event of adultery. From this example, we can draw some reasonable conclusions about forgiveness. A person cheats on their spouse. That spouse is called to forgiveness. But that spouse is NOT required to stay married. They are not required to put themselves in a position where distrust would reign and they could possibly be cheated on once again.

While we are required to forgive, we are not required to be doormats. There are definitely circumstances where it makes sense to forgive and cut ties. We let go of relationships that continue to bring harm into our lives… especially if the offender is not willing to change their ways or admit their guilt. But this doesn’t mean we walk away from every person that wrongs us. Just as there are times where it makes sense to let go, there are also times when full restoration is in order. We simply need to live by the Spirit and follow His lead.

How do I find the strength when it feels impossible to forgive?

Honestly, it would be impossible to answer this question apart from Christ. I don’t know how people do it without Him. We’ve all been hurt… myself included. I know personally what it’s like to wonder how to cope when it seems impossible to forgive.

It’s not easy, but with Christ, all things are possible… even forgiveness.

Our strength comes from Him. Our wisdom comes from Him. And our healing comes from Him.

*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

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Pursue the things of God first.

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. – 2 Timothy 2:22 (ESV)

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. – Matthew 6:33

Dating can become all-consuming if we allow it. We can easily find ourselves so focused on pursuing a new relationship or finding a spouse that we end up with our priorities out of whack.

Our purpose in life is to glorify God… not to find a spouse. Now, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pursue marriage, but we need to be sure to keep our priorities in check. Seek God first… always.

God has a purpose for every season of your life.

I remember what it was like to be young and single. Most of my friends were single as well. As a young Christian 20-something, it’s almost expected that you will marry soon. So when many of my friends began to get married and start families, it was easy for those of us who were still single to feel like the clock was ticking. But the truth is that God has a purpose for every season. If you find yourself single, it’s because you’re supposed to be single right now.

Part of allowing God to use you in your singleness involves surrendering your future marriage to Him. It’s allowing Him to bring it about in His timing. By trusting Him fully with this area of your life, it becomes much easier to focus on what really matters in the moment instead of focusing on the fact that you’re not married yet. Instead of waiting impatiently for the next season of your life to begin, you become a vessel that God can use right now in your singleness.

Watch out for “bad company.”

While the Bible is silent on the topic of dating, it isn’t silent on relationships. First of all, we are called to marry a fellow Believer. Now, things are a little different if you were saved after you were married. In fact, it was quite common in the early church for one spouse to find Jesus and the other to reject Him. But if you’re not married yet, it’s important to marry someone who shares the same faith as you do.

Another reason to make sure you are dating a Believer is the fact that you will have similar morals. One clear example of this is sexual immorality. Dating someone who differs in their beliefs regarding sex outside of marriage will ultimately become a problem.

Here’s the truth: If you want to marry someone who shares your love for Christ and the morals that come along with serving Him, then be sure the person you’re dating is a Believer who is serving God with their lives as you are. Otherwise, you are wasting your time and possibly corrupting your own morals in the process.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? – 2 Corinthians 6:14 (ESV)

Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” – 1 Corinthians 15:33

Remain pure in all ways.

The Bible is pretty clear when it comes to avoiding sexual immorality. Sex is reserved for marriage alone. In fact, Paul tells us to get married to help prevent us from sexual immorality! (1 Corinthians 7:2) But true purity goes beyond the physical. Remaining pure in our singleness also involves our hearts and our minds.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Matthew 5:27-28

Jesus’ words here may be referring specifically to marriage and adultery, but if you can commit adultery by simply having lust for someone else, you can definitely defile yourself outside of marriage by lusting after someone who isn’t your spouse.

Remember to show love and respect.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. – Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)

I love the phrase here, “Outdo one another in showing honor.” This concept goes hand in hand with purity. We have to remember in our dating relationships to respect and honor each other. It isn’t just about you. In maintaining purity in your relationship, you are honoring the person you are dating.

We also show love and respect by how we behave in our relationships. What are our motivations for dating? Are we dating just to date and wasting someone’s time? Are we playing with their emotions? Is honesty an essential part of our relationship?

Live by the Spirit.

There is a lot of grey area when it comes to dating as a Christian. We don’t live in a culture where we simply choose a person to marry and that’s that. We don’t marry anymore for family lineage purposes or status, rather we marry for love. That being said, the Bible doesn’t give us clear instructions on modern dating. We have some basic principles to live by like purity and respect, but what does that look like exactly in a dating relationship?

While we aren’t given specifics in the Bible, we do have the Holy Spirit. His wisdom and guidance are more than sufficient. This is why the most important thing we can do as Christians is to pray and follow His lead. We can’t leave Him out of our relationships and expect to succeed. He knows our thoughts, our strengths, and our weaknesses. And because of this fact, He knows best how we ought to pursue dating as Believers.

*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

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Modern dating habits create a lot of emotional baggage.

Our culture tells us to date around. Date a lot of people so you know what you want in a future spouse. But the consequence of dating a lot of people is that you end up with a lot of unnecessary baggage. We get hurt. We hurt others. And whether we want it to or not, this pain has a way of reshaping us. We become guarded and we bring our past hurts and regrets into our current relationships.

Some might argue that we learn a lot in the dating process. And to a certain degree, this may be true. But at what cost? Could there be a better way to gain wisdom than from an unhealthy dating relationship?

Modern dating trains us to leave when things get hard.

This is perhaps the most damaging aspect of modern dating. We date someone until we no longer want to… and then we walk away. The truth is that walking away from a dating relationship is always on the table. It’s why a lot of people choose to date a while before getting married. It’s a lot easier to walk away from someone you’re dating than someone you’re married to. But if walking away is always an option, will we ever learn how to work through the hard parts of a relationship?

Again, some might argue that this is a good thing. You don’t want to meet someone, marry them right away, and then find out they are a terrible person. It’s important to get to know someone before making a life-long commitment. But when modern dating tells us to date a lot of people before marriage, this idea of leaving when it’s hard becomes a habit. And this is when it becomes a problem. And isn’t there a way to get to know a person before dating them? This idea of dating someone you barely know is yet another way modern dating has ruined our view of our marriage.

Is there a biblical way to date?

I grew up in the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” generation. For those of you who don’t know what that means exactly, let me explain. As a teenager, I was challenged not to date the way the world dated. In fact, we were encouraged not to date at all. We were told to wait on God and allow Him to “write our love story.” Essentially, the only person we would “date” would be the person we were going to marry. It would save us unnecessary pain and allow us to save ourselves fully for our future spouses. In exchange for our commitment to do things “God’s way,” we were told that He would bless our marriage by giving us the happily ever after of our dreams. Essentially, our marriage would be easier and better because we didn’t date.

There were definitely some good biblical truths taught during this time in Evangelical Christianity. For one thing, purity is something to be treasured. Saving yourself for marriage is biblical and will save you a lot of heartaches. But the promise… the promise that says “do it this way and your marriage will be absolutely perfect…” This promise is where everything falls apart. Even the best marriages are hard. And even if you do everything “right,” you will NOT have a perfect and easy marriage. Our marriages will always be flawed because they involve two imperfect people.

So what’s the solution… do we simply date like the rest of the world then?

Be sure to check out the final post in this series where we will dive into dating from a biblical perspective…

*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

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Modern dating has taught us to over-analyze our relationships.

Essentially, every person we date is “auditioning.” We meet someone we find attractive. We ask them out on a date. And then we continue to date them as long as we still find them worthy of dating. Once a problem arises or we notice a “red flag” of some sort, the analyzing begins. We go to our friends and family to discuss our current relationship. Is it worth it to continue? We begin to dissect the person we are dating as if they are on trial. We over-analyze every flaw.

Yes, it’s good to notice red flags before you’re married. After all, most problems that come up during the dating process will undoubtedly get worse once you’re married. But when we begin to expect perfection from our mate… that’s an entirely different problem.

It’s a common joke in tv shows and movies where someone who’s afraid of commitment begins to analyze every guy or girl they’ve ever dated. They break up with them for superficial reasons like their ears are too big or they chew their food too loudly. We laugh at the joke, but if we’re being honest, we all know there’s a bit of truth to this. Because modern dating has allowed us to date lots of people in a short amount of time, it’s easy to treat dating like one big shopping trip. We are simply trying people on for size.

But if we take this attitude with us into marriage, we are in for some trouble. We begin to over-analyze our spouse and see them for their flaws instead of their strengths. We nitpick each and every way they don’t suit our needs, and this is a recipe for an unhappy marriage.

Modern dating teaches us to compare and contrast.

In the same way that we over-analyze our relationships, we learn how to compare and contrast people we’ve dated. We like how sweet and caring this person was or how adventurous that person was. We compare and contrast our current girlfriend or boyfriend with someone from our past. Can you see how this could become a bad thing for our marriages?

Not only do we compare our current relationships with past ones, but this could also translate into comparing our relationships with other people’s relationships. It becomes sort of a “grass is always greener on the other side” scenario. Having this attitude in marriage can be toxic and create a lot of problems.

So I will say it again. Modern dating has ruined our view of marriage because it trains us to see our significant other as someone we can replace. We create bad habits and attitudes instead of learning to work through our difficulties. And we learn to nitpick and criticize instead of seeing someone for their positive attributes.

This post is part of a three-part series on biblical dating. Be sure to check out part two (where we dive into two more reasons why modern dating has transformed our view of marriage) as well as the final post discussing what the Bible has to say about dating.

*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

**Photo by Charlie Foster on Unsplash

*This post contains affiliate links. Click here to read my full disclosure policy.

Marriage is harder than it looks. – When we first get married, everyone tells us this fact; but it doesn’t really sink in until things get hard in our own marriages. But difficulties are what allow us to grow, not only together as a couple of individually as people.

Marriage is marked by seasons… both good and hard. – There will be seasons when love is in the air. Things are running smoothly, and our feelings for one another are strong. But then there are slumps. Sometimes these seasons are due to hardships. Other times it’s simple things like small annoyances or not being on the same page. Understanding, however, that marriage endures seasons gives us hope that a brighter season may simply be around the corner.

Communication really is the key. – If only I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that communication was the key to a good marriage! But truthfully… it really is the key. I have found over the years that during hardships, we like to close up. But things only get harder when we fail to communicate. Two are always stronger than one, but you can only operate together when you’re openly communicating.

Learn to pick your battles. – Some things are worth fighting for… others are not. The truth is that marriage involves two imperfect and often very different individuals. No two people, no matter how compatible, are going to see eye to eye on everything.

Choose your accountability and wisdom wisely. – Everyone has an opinion, but not all of it is worth listening to. Be sure to listen to godly wisdom when it comes to your marriage. After all, it’s the only type of wisdom that counts. At the same time, be careful with who you share your troubles with. It’s normal to have one or two people in your life you go to for accountability or wisdom. But telling the world your personal marriage drama isn’t good for your marriage.

Don’t compare your marriage to others. – Remember how marriages go through seasons? When you compare your marriages with others, you could potentially be comparing your winter to their summer. It’s not fair to your spouse or your marriage. Also, if they are wisely keeping their marriage to themselves, chances are high that you don’t have an accurate picture of their marriage anyway.

You are only responsible for you. – I say this to my daughters all the time, but honestly, it applies to marriage as well. You cannot control your spouse. Their attitudes and actions are all their own. But your attitudes and actions are all your own as well. You can’t blame your bad attitude or choices on your spouse. They can’t make you be angry. That’s all on you. A good marriage involves two people who take responsibility for their own actions, and they apologize when necessary.

Love is patient… even when your spouse isn’t. – This one is hard. Sometimes our spouses are less than perfect. (And we are often less than perfect ourselves.) But love has the power to conquer more than we realize. Showing love even when our spouse isn’t at the moment, is hard. But it’s quite powerful.

Love is kind… even when others aren’t. – There’s something to be said about showing kindness to your spouse. It’s easy to take things out on our spouses when we are experiencing stress or having a rough day. But an act of kindness from our spouse has the power to break down communication barriers. It lets them know that we are there for them no matter what.

Love never fails… God’s love never fails, and His love flows through you as His child. – As children of God, we have the love of God flowing through us. It gives us the ability to love in every circumstance… even when it seems impossible. His love is unconditional, never gives up, and allows us to give one another grace in our faults.

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. – Colossians 3:14 (ESV)

The love of God gives us the ability to love in every circumstance.

*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

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*This post contains affiliate links. Click here to read my full disclosure policy.

Now before we dive into this topic, I’d like to make one thing clear. This post is not intended for those who are dealing with more serious issues inside of marriage. This isn’t for those who are coping with an unfaithful spouse or for those suffering from abuse. It is also not intended to bring guilt or shame to those who have suffered through a divorce. There is hope in every situation because we serve an amazing heavenly Father who cares for each of us individually and uniquely.

With that being said, here are three reasons why marriage is harder than it looks… (and why that’s good!)

Marriage involves two imperfect people.

We all know our spouse isn’t perfect. We can probably come up with many ways in which they are less than perfection. But the truth is… we aren’t perfect either. We are just as imperfect as our spouse. So what happens when two flawed individuals try to make a marriage work? It can definitely get a little… messy. We say things we don’t mean. We don’t handle things the way we should. And often we don’t try has hard as we should.

But the truth is that we have two choices when it comes to our imperfection. We can get frustrated at our spouse for being less than perfect, or we can remind ourselves that we aren’t perfect either. A lot of things can be worked out by simply giving each other a bit of grace.

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. – Colossians 3:13 (NLT)

Marriage invites both internal and external battles.

If a husband and wife could live in a little bubble with nothing influencing them from the outside, perhaps they wouldn’t have as many disagreements. Then again… they’d probably get on each other’s nerves! The truth is that we don’t live in a bubble. There will be things that happen in life that are beyond our control. Marriage is hard enough with two flawed people trying to get along, but throw in outside factors like kids, careers, bills, etc… and things get REALLY difficult fast.

I remember when our first daughter was born. Honestly, it was sort of a blur. We were so incredibly sleep deprived that I’m not sure either one of us knew what we were saying anymore. All we could do was get through the sleepless nights, try to enjoy our brand new baby girl, and not kill each other in the process. But that experience made us stronger. Why? Because it was a shared experience. Even though it was one of the hardest times of our lives, it was also one of the best. And our marriage is better now because of it.

That being said, battles have the ability to tear down a marriage, or they can make it stronger. If we choose to work through our battles together… attack the battle rather than each other… our marriage has the potential to grow.

People grow and change, and that’s okay.

One of the most common things people say when they get divorced is that they “grew apart.” And I’ll admit, growth can be a very individual process. Sometimes you do grow in a way that changes you. Perhaps you are no longer the same person your spouse married because of some significant things that have happened in your life.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my ten years of marriage it’s that growth is a good thing. We all SHOULD be growing. No one wants to be the same person they were in their early twenties forever!

Perhaps the secret to not growing apart is striving to grow together. We always hear that communication is key in any marriage, and I have found that to be true for me and my husband as well. If we are communicating during our process of growth, we come out on the other side understanding each other better. I become a part of his growth, and he becomes a part of mine. But if we are not communicating… it’s easy to feel like you’re all alone in your growth… and then you have a problem.

Marriage is harder than it looks. There’s no doubt about that. But this is a good thing! We learn to love unconditionally and give grace when it comes to each other’s flaws. We have someone to lean on and support us during times of internal or external battles. And we get to share in each other’s growth as children of God.

Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17

While marriage is harder than it looks, it can be one of the greatest blessings in your life.

*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

**Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

*This post contains affiliate links. Click here to read my full disclosure policy.

After some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us return and visit the brethren in every city in which we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are.” Barnabas wanted to take John, called Mark, along with them also. But Paul kept insisting that they should not take him along who had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. And there occurred such a sharp disagreement that they separated from one another, and Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus. But Paul chose Silas and left, being committed by the brethren to the grace of the Lord. And he was traveling through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches. – Acts 15:36-41 (emphasis added)

There isn’t always a “right” answer.

Barnabas wanted to take John Mark with them on their missionary journey, but Paul felt like it wasn’t a good idea.  And while the Bible doesn’t tell us why Barnabas wanted to take John Mark so badly, we do know why Paul didn’t feel it was a good idea. He had deserted them on a previous journey. Undoubtedly, Barnabas wanted to forgive John Mark and felt that his presence on the trip would be a blessing. They were cousins, after all. (Colossians 4:10) So who was right?

The truth is that there doesn’t always have to be a right answer. Both men had valid reasons for their choice, which is why their disagreement ended with them parting ways. In a way, they were both right in their arguments and concerns, so they ultimately agreed to disagree.

Forgiveness is a requirement, but working together is not… to a point.

The Bible calls us to forgive others the way God forgives us. That kind of forgiveness is unconditional and never runs dry. But Paul and Barnabas agreed to disagree. They decided together that the best thing for the Kingdom of God (and each other) was to go their separate ways.

Does this mean they didn’t forgive each other in the argument? Of course not! In fact, we discover in verse 41 that Paul continues to spread the Gospel and strengthen the churches. God blessed their ministries even after parting ways, which may not have been the case had they both been harboring unforgiveness in their hearts towards one another. We also know that Paul speaks later of John Mark as “useful” in his ministry (2 Timothy 4:11) Obviously, Paul felt no ill will towards him in the end.

Another thing to consider is the fact that while these two parted ways in their ministries, they both still shared a common goal. They both desired to continue in ministry and spread the Gospel. They went different directions physically, but they were still working together spiritually.

God works all things together for His purpose.

Paul and Barnabas had a disagreement. Both felt that were right in their thinking. It is likely that the enemy had great plans for this fight. His intentions were probably to break up the team that was doing so much to advance the Gospel of Christ. But God had bigger and better plans. What the enemy meant for harm, God turned into a win for the Kingdom. One ministry team became two ministry teams!

So how can we apply these truths to our own lives today? The truth is that God’s ultimate desire is that we be united as the Body of Christ. It is by His design that we all work together towards the common goal of advancing the Kingdom. But God also knows that we are human. We won’t always see eye to eye on everything, but that doesn’t mean we can’t all agree to disagree and work together towards the common end goal.

Paul and Barnabas went their separate ways because that was the best thing for them to do in their particular situation. There will be times in our lives when we must cut ties with someone or something. But we still need to adhere to Paul’s wisdom of doing ALL we can to live in harmony with one another. And when all has been said and done, we ultimately must follow the Holy Spirit’s lead when it comes to a solution.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. – Romans 12:18

Paul and Barnabas parted ways, but they still shared a common goal… to spread the Good News of Jesus Christ to the world.

*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

**Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

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“But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” – Luke 6:27-28

Government authority…

With today’s political climate, this biblical call to love can be difficult. Our government leaders don’t always prove themselves to be the most lovable. The amount of hatred thrown around regarding our current leadership is more than I have personally witnessed in my lifetime. And I have seen this type of hatred from both Christians and non Christians alike.

But here’s the problem… we are called to love and respect the “kings” God placed over us. It doesn’t matter if we agree with them or even if they’re downright evil. Our call to love remains the same. Keep in mind that when the following verse was written, Believers were under severe persecution by the Roman government. In fact, this letter is said to have been written during the time of Nero.

Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men. Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God. Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king. – 1 Peter 2:13-17

Church leaders…

Have you ever disagreed with a church leader in your life? Maybe it was a theological disagreement… or perhaps even a personal struggle or offense. The truth is that we won’t always agree with the leadership God has put in our lives. But that doesn’t negate the fact that we are called to love and respect all authority in our lives.

In the New Testament, we find that church leadership was established with a purpose. It helps to keep us accountable and protects us from false teaching and theology. But the truth is that even leadership God puts in place is made up of imperfect human beings. We are all learning and growing in Christ, and this process will always include occasional stumbles and falls. Leaders and pastors are not immune to this. We need to love them and extend the same grace towards them as we need in our own lives.

The elders who rule well are to be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who work hard at preaching and teaching. – 1 Timothy 5:17

Those who have hurt you…

Of all the people on this list, perhaps this one is the hardest. While loving our leaders requires God-given strength, loving those who have deeply hurt us may feel impossible. Our hearts and emotions are often involved in a devastating capacity. When we’re heart-broken… how do we love with a broken heart?

Love forgives and doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. And when someone has wronged us… multiple times… the last thing we want to do is extend them forgiveness. Now, I don’t believe that God meant for us to be “doormats.” There are definitely times when we need to separate ourselves from harmful relationships. But this doesn’t negate God’s command to love and forgive… even if it’s from a distance.

If we had to love and forgive in our own strength, then it truly would be impossible. No one could love the way we are called to love apart from God. He gives us the strength and love we need to live out this command. We simply need to trust that His love can and will flow through our hearts and lives in a supernatural way.

People you disagree with…

Social media can be fun, but it can also be extremely frustrating. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been sucked into all the drama of an online debate. It’s so hard sometimes to not get angry, and it is equally as hard to not get offended. But we must show love even in these difficult situations. In fact, it may be in these circumstances when love speaks the loudest.

Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone. – Titus 3:1-2 (NIV)

The unlovable…

Criminals, murderers, thieves… how do we love those who seem so undeserving? How do we love people who show no remorse for their actions? The world would say not to love them. In fact, it’s completely rational by the world’s standards to hate these men and women… those who would harm others on purpose. But we are called to love the unlovable because in the end, that exactly what Jesus did for us. When we were sinners, enemies of God, He laid down His life for us.

“Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. …Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” – Luke 6:29-32, 36

Jesus loved the unlovable, and we are called to do the same.

*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

**Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

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Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. – Deuteronomy 11:18-19 (NIV)

We live in an interesting American culture. As a parent, I am constantly being told how to train up my children. From the moment I announced my first pregnancy, it seemed as if everyone around me wanted to tell me what to do and how to do it. Now, there is nothing wrong with sound advice and wisdom from others. After all, that is entirely what this post is about… giving the next generation wisdom to live by based on what we have learned in our own lives. But I’ll be honest… some of the parenting debates we have going on today are downright ridiculous!

Our culture is training a generation of parents who are afraid to discipline their children. We are even nervous about teaching our children to follow God. Let kids be who they want to be. Let them choose their own path in life. Give them lots of choices when it comes to their spirituality so that they are free to be “themselves.” While I am all for allowing my daughters to be themselves, I am not okay with teaching them that there is no such thing as absolute truth. There are many areas of life where they are free to make their own choices. But when it comes to God and His Word, what kind of parent would I be to not teach them what I know to be true?

So how do we train the next generation?

Perhaps it comes down to how we share the truth. Am I preaching at them or sharing my story? Am I forcing them to attend church without sharing why I have made that choice in my own life? Do I practice what I preach? Do they see the power of God’s love evident in my own life?

The truth is that God commanded His people in the Old Testament to speak of His power and all He had done for them. He wanted them to share their history… their amazing stories describing their own personal experiences with God. He rescued them out of slavery, parted the Red Sea, went before them into battle, and gave them victory and rest.

We often underestimate the power of our personal stories and experiences. But the truth is that these stories are what often lead us to turn our hearts towards God, understanding fully why we should.

Now you may be thinking to yourself, “I’m not a parent” or “My kids are full grown and long gone.” But the truth is that God’s desire is for the older men and women to train up and build up the next generation in the Body of Christ. (Titus 2:1-8) The mature in Him all have a role to play in raising others up. In other words, you get to parent the next generation even if the “children” are not your biological descendants. This was God’s design from the beginning.

So what does this have to do with identity? In a word… everything. When it comes to my own children, it is my job as a parent to help them discover who God created them to be. The process of training them to understand their identity in Jesus is a part of my identity as a mother.

Part of YOUR identity in the body of Christ is to help train others to discover THEIR identity in Him. We all play an active role in helping people discover the truth about who they are in Christ.

For He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers that they should teach them to their children, that the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, that they may arise and tell them to their children, that they should put their confidence in God and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments. – Psalm 78:5-7

When we strive to train the next generation for Christ, we are fulfilling a God-given mandate to teach others about who they are in Him.

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*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

**Photo by Daniel Irmler at ChristianPics.co

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God calls you family…

We often hear the word “adoption” when discussing our salvation into the family of God. But the New Testament describes our sonship in a way that goes far beyond your typical modern adoption. Being “born again” allows us to actually be born into the family of God. We are children by birth through the power of the Holy Spirit.

It would have been more than enough to save us from death. It would have been more than enough to allow us to be a part of His Kingdom. But God wanted more… He longed for us to be a part of His family. And when He refers to us as His family, He speaks of us as sons and daughters. And not only as sons and daughters but as co-heirs with Jesus. This is how God views us as His beloved children.

For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God. – Romans 8:14-16

Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God. – Galatians 4:6-7

God is a good and loving Father…

Some of us grew up knowing what it was like to have an amazing dad. Others of us, unfortunately, did not. In our modern American culture, good fathers are sometimes hard to find. But what defines a good dad? If I were to have you imagine the best dad humanly possible, what would he be like?

I assure you that God is far better than any human father could ever strive to become. He loves us deeply… enough to die for us in fact. He loves to bless us in big ways and in little ways each and every day. When we pray and talk to Him, He listens and gives us His full attention. We can share anything with Him… our hurts, fears, frustrations… He wants to hear it all. And when we need discipline in our lives, He does so in a way that builds us up rather than tears us down.

Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. – Psalm 103:13

When you are born into the family of God, you become a son or daughter of the Creator of the universe.

Click here for a full list of posts in this 31-day series!

*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

**Photo by Ben White at ChristianPics.co